“You Never Get Your Point Across by Being Cross”

Rick Warren once said, “You never get your point across by being cross.”

That is especially true in parenting.

When parents become angry, raise their voices, lecture, or react impulsively, children often stop hearing the message. Their nervous systems shift into defense. They may argue, shut down, cry, or become even more oppositional.

The original concern may be valid, but the lesson gets lost in the intensity.

This is why parental regulation has to come first.

Regulation does not mean being permissive or avoiding limits. A calm parent can still say:

“I won’t let you hit.”

“You may be angry, but you may not speak to me that way.”

“The answer is still no.”

Calm boundaries are often more effective because children feel safe enough to listen and learn.

Children also learn emotional regulation by watching their parents practice it. When a parent pauses, takes a breath, lowers their voice, or says, “I need a moment before we talk,” they are modeling an important life skill.

And when parents do lose their temper, repair matters.

A parent can say, “I was frustrated, but I should not have yelled. I’m sorry. The limit still stands, and we can try this conversation again.”

Parenting is not about staying perfectly calm all the time. It is about recognizing that connection makes correction possible.

Before asking, “How do I make my child listen?” it may help to ask, “Am I regulated enough for my child to hear me?”